Especially not a snot nosed 16 year old who thinks that he's hot shit and can tell me to fucking grow up? Why dont you try acting your age for a change huh? Stop cowering behind your fucking family and if you got a problem with me tell me so I'm not getting phone calls from people I not only dont know. But people that I honestly dont give a shit about their general existence.
I regret ever telling you because I would be so much better off not having done so. But because I try to do the right thing I basically have been getting ass raped by a 12 inch dildo w/ spikes every day.
Oh and I'm sorry but the pitty card just doesn't work on me. Oh boo fucking hoo that you've been emotionally abused. Go cry me a fucking river. Been through it all hun and that shit does not work on me.
I wouldn't take a paternity test if they threatened to cut my liver out.
Right now as far as I am concerned its not yours. You do not have to carry it around, feed it, give it all the right nutrients it needs for 9 months. When it pops out your not going to raise it and change its diapers or do any of that.

Lately I've been rather suicidal.

There's been no real reason as too why.
I wouldn't even call it suicidal just feelings of self harm.
Of course I wont do it.
But I just want to see the blood under my skin.
I don't know if any of you can understand this.
I'm not depressed...well at least not to the point of hating myself in a way that's out of the ordinary.
I'm not manic.
I just want to see it and I want to feel the blade run across my skin.
Even the thought is comforting.
I've been smoking when ever I feel this way.
Not healthy but better.
I'm out of smokes now so I guess this is why I'm writing about it on here.


I don't really understand this, and I know I never will.
I think part of the problem is that I've been having to eat healthy.
I don't mean woe is me I have to eat my greens.
I mean I absolutely have to eat at least 3 meals a day.
I'm afraid of exercising too much because of le babe.
I guess this is a good thing but I still feel disgusting.

If I don't eat I feel like puking and when I puke its just bile.
Electric yellow bile.

Ugh I need a smoke.
I'm thinking I'm gonna ask my mom to take me to get some when she gets up.
STOP THINKING LIKE THIS
just stop..........

I dont mind the whole having to grow up cause Im having a kid thing.
Its fine.
But when your hung over because you partied a bit too hard its not my job to get your ass out of bed.
Ill do it cause I love you but jesus christ dont be a fucking bitch.
You bought a shit load of absinthe which I cannot parttake in the fun.
You and jeff drank it.
I see the chasers left around the house.
And you cannot get out of bed.
You always lectured me on how even if Im hung over/still tripping I have to be responsible and go to school/work in the morning.
Ive always abided by that.
You dont work days.
All you have to do is get out of bed drive charlie and myself to school and then you can go home and do what ever the fuck you want.
Dont leave it up too me to take care of you.
I am trying my best to not do drugs.
To not fuck my baby up.
But between you and kelly being fucked up on something all the time its becoming quite the challenge.
Its getting me thinking things like my aunt did coke whilest pregnant with my cousins so why cant I do the drugs I like to do because they arent as bad.
And I dont want to be thinking like that.
Self control sara self control.
I can do this.
I can
I can
I dont know
I dont think I can
Its too hard
But Im going to do my best
Why is this happening?